And I just got to know

We can be friends (Click here)
Google me? HAHA miao

History and the Tagbox’s all the way at the bottom. Anyone sweet enough to teach me basic html or how to use dreamweeaver? Have a nice day stalkers :)

SUZANA WHO?
Hi there little boys and girls, today we are gonna learn how to poison squirrels. But first, I’d like you to meet my friend Suzana ; Stranger

Monday, October 23, 2017 @ 1:21 AM

If I could pass a law, it would be..

If I had the power to pass a law to all land and seas, it would take up nothing from any budget given to me. The law enforced requires no more than 15 minutes a day. No fancy equipment, no modern technology, no serious advertising. It would be compulsory for every human, if abled and capable, to relax and reflect upon ourselves. This time of calmness has to be private with no distractions. Someone asked “If you could change the world, what would it be?” and in the context of the interview, there was no string to my actual answer. If we truly tried to reflect at the end of every breathing day, what miracle will that bring us. Maybe I saw a blind person waiting for a bus and in my head was deciding if I should help or not. By the time I decided, my bus came. Maybe I entered the lift with a neighbour and a silence of awkwardness lingers. Maybe if everyone reflected on the tiny parts of their day, (I have no answer as I haven’t seen this world). Maybe not yet.

Labels: invisible reality, It's not the first time i heard that question., Life is a test

Sunday, September 4, 2016 @ 1:46 AM

Attachment

Today I revisited a weekly go-to place where we can vent, dance and sing for a few hours and enjoying a common sport at the same time. Do people actually attach themselves to places too? The walls have not tasted a new coat, the suffering aircon still leaks and shuts down once in a while, the bloody mattress still catches me even when it's weak and torn. The rocks felt equally sharp, I left with at least one contusion, we joked about being uncareful when belaying and our blasting phones were placed at the same mat as we danced our way up. We no longer text every single day to express our excitement for that week's Wednesday- that was the most exciting part. This was another short phase to show us that things happen for a reason, even if they aren't logical. We may try to make sense to it or give excuses for the people who aren't in our lives anymore or beat ourselves everyday to give ourselves closure. It's just that we took it for granted and looked at it as a joke when we said caring words and promises and WA so certain that the person that you fully trust your life with will always be watching you from the back, making sure that you're alright. Let's give ourselves a slap to wake us up from the Korean drama life and snap back to reality. People separate because we attract likeminded people, and the good thing is, we either grow together or outgrow another. But it's definite that at least one of us is advancing and that's enough. For that, I am thankful.

I wouldn't say the perfect word would be "detach". I would feel it as a "no attachment".

Labels: Awkward, Life is a test, My bag was effing huge.

Thursday, September 1, 2016 @ 3:12 AM

Untouched

I've started to feel comfortable enough to jot down my true emotions and admit to things I used to detach myself from. That's why there are lesser blogposts and more journal entries recently. However, when I checked my viewers, there were 4 clicks on my blog today. Hmmmm, who could it be? Was it a friend from 2010 who still remembers my link? Was it by a current Friend that I hang out with? Was it someone that I'm never close to but somehow knows of my link?

This world has been amazing because my perception of it has broaden. Passing souls and mini giggles are the most important things to me right now. The change of importance of values has greatly impacted my decisions- and that's why my soul is satisfied. I may be studying in the same spot in school today and last year, and there would be a huge difference in the time spent. I now realise that it's not about the situation you're in nor the people around you, it's your attitude towards it that matters. Matters to who? You. Matters to me. Reflection is the easiest thing one can do at the end of the day of events. It has been effective for me and I hope more people do it too. there's a poster hanging on my bedroom wall "before you can change the world, you have to change yourself first". It's good.

Labels: invisible reality, Life is a test

Thursday, March 3, 2016 @ 8:12 PM

Strangely conceived notions

This is reality.

Are friends who instantly believe and engage in conjecture about you, really friends? Will they sit down and ask you about your feelings, update you about what's going around and hear your side of the window? If you walked in on two friends in a room with one of them lying on the bed, it isnt such a wild assumption that they were fooling around. But what is the next step, what actions do you take? What if you were the one who was taking a nap after days of overwork? There are first-hand friends out there who will respect you by finding out the truth, there are friends who will not talk to you because of the belief of you sinning from adultery and there are friends who will tell, what he or she believes, is only two people. The second hand group of listeners may have the story at an apple falling beside a banana, but remembered and encrypt it in their minds as an apple peeling a banana. Ofcourse, almost every human wants to believe themselves as a good soul, grounded by values like kindness for others. And that's the reason why homo sapiens are drunk by the idea of doing less of an evil means doing good. "I didn't spread nasty gossip about another, I'm protecting the gossipee from befriending a lying slut. Infact, It is just two people" This brings me to the third person rumour receiver. Because the scenario by then is already at the extreme extent, it is only obligatory to investigate the pre and post case because a delicate brain has not been completely utilized. We are an intellectual, meticulous, logical and analytical society that focuses on a major organ protected by our skulls that is widely forgotten is run by oxygen, that is delivered with the function of the heart. "oh my! He just broke up with his ex-girlfriend therefore he is obviously using her as a rebound!" We arrive at the last group that closes the rusty chain, the Promise Breaker. There will be that friend that believes that is an act of caring, has heard about everything and nudges you silently to give you all that she is carrying. Words from all directions are laid on the table. Without waiting for another side of the window, she flees as the words of others has become her truth and it is too much disgrace to continue pursuing a friendship.

As long as it don't involve nor hurt me, why not?

Labels: i need a hug., Life is a test

Wednesday, January 13, 2016 @ 11:45 AM

Thank you, hands

Speak with your hands, Listen with your eyes

This is a poem that explains what goes on in my head when I saw a Hearing-Impaired struggling to communicate with a hearing man.

There was only 30 minutes left to arrive at my homeland

I had exceeded my curfew on a weekend

As I headed to exit with a friend

I saw someone who needed a helping hand

It was his hand that made communication a can

Thankfully, I fathomed his dancing band

The person on the other hand, didn’t understand

If I ran, I’d be damned

My eyes stared as he signed

In Sign Language, I am half blind

“Fire extinguisher, school, closed, mind”

What is this sign that is one of a kind?

What if my vocabulary was too confined?

What if I failed to get the words bind?

What if I run out of time?

But, what if all I needed is in my subconscious mind?

What if I could start an easy conversation?

What if I was meant to be at this location and situation?

What if I could facilitate interpretation?

But, what if instead of appreciation, he feels irritation?

This debate in my head is causing a laceration

My hands plead for communication

My heart wants to remove discrimination

I have to put embarrassment into elimination

My hands took a tiny step, I signed “hi”

He didn’t respond, oh why?

Oops I forgot, he only listened with his eye

Taking a deep breath, I did a second try

The hairy man look down at me

His hands move like a hardworking bee

My twisted face shows that I don’t own a Sign Degree

He smiled, slowed down, and said sorry

I smiled, hands moved, and worries became lost debris

By and by, our conversation progressed slowly

Both of us were in too much glee

As there is a merge between the Baltic and North Sea

And that was how I met Leslie.

Labels: language, Life is a test

Monday, December 14, 2015 @ 2:45 AM

He looked into my eyes

He schools with me, dines with me and explore places we are both too scared to go alone.

But

There are times where we had our private assembly without a brofist greeting; and that is when we both are clear that neither of us are in the mood. He grazes my right shoulder with his, pulling me out of my daze. I gave no gesture to acknowledge his late arrival while he didn't open salutation either. But we still walk front, through the glass door and found a canteen table to share. No conversation was initiated, no words were uttered. I glance at him engrossed in whatever was on his iPhone. I clicked on the whatsapp group chats with pop ups from weeks ago; there was no interest at all. He plucked each side of the earpiece from his ears slowly, resting his cochlea for once. It wasn't creepy to just watch him for minutes until he stared right straight into my eyes flipping through the pages of my secrets, staring at my list of fears and noted my mistakes. The noise of the crowd faded as my pupils concealed him from reaching my heart. Instead, I zoomed through his eyes and arrived in his uneven brain. It felt wrong, yet felt stronger that it was only fair that we both visited each others insides. In my attempt to unmask his secrets, fears and mistakes, I was defeated. My fear of exposition reflected in my eyeballs. Weakness of my eyes made it easy for him to guard what's behind those black universe.

I snapped back to reality.

I stood up to queue for food.

The fear of conspiration, pistanthrophobia, reoccurring events were not familiar. It was very foreign because it wasn't mine. He had only looked through his own reflection while I locked myself from me.

It's the fear of disappointing myself.

I ordered bubur hitam and went on with my day, like I always do.

Labels: Life is a test

Monday, August 17, 2015 @ 3:57 AM

License

It's finally here. I'm still alive on the year I turn to that age where I have bee

n waiting for my entire teenage life. Not to go club, buy a cigarette nor to just taste adulthood, I am finally allowed to take up drivers license in 2015 YAY!!!!!! However, I am a Virgo so that means everyone else gets to go through it first and it drives me crazily excited to get my hands on the wheel.

But the true suzana wants to be in control of a ship like how she was with a kayak and a jetski equally as much as the strong friction on the hard ground.

On the flipside, I get to listen on my friend's positive and not so positive experiences which both comes with automatic tips and learning points.

Ps; latest YouTube struggle: WONG FU WEEKENDS. It's the end of the week, a wong fu week, it's a wong fu weekenddddddd!

Labels: A dude asked me "What will you do if aliens invade Earth?", be patient., Fun, It's not the first time i heard that question., Life is a test

Monday, June 1, 2015 @ 12:01 AM

We only have one body

The part where every excited soul is given only one body is driving me crazy. I separate these activities into different categories where I consider the following: Compulsory, Optional, Stress Relief, Education, Family, Friends, Self reward, Positive, Negative, Energy level.

For example, ODAC vs Promotional ceremony vs Unit annual camp. ODAC is physical training and they needed helpers but Im not in the main committee so I'm not obliged to help all the time eventhough they are my friends; promotional ceremony is stress free as there is no preparation or much things to do and to reward myself for going to school and enduring; unit annual camp is annual hah and definitely stressful, education of juniors and friends.

ODAC: compulsory, extremely high energy, stress relief.
PC: compulsory, low energy, stress relief, self reward.
UC: optional, extremely high energy, positive, education.

= life is a hard decision and at times you have to make decisions, and I took up the CLT course so I have to do my "job" and commit to what I signed up for.

Or you can run away by saying "I got no choice what", we all have choices.

Labels: be patient., camp, Life is a test, Mission accomplished, ncdcc, Outdoor love, Stress, You think you do but you have no idea.

Friday, April 24, 2015 @ 11:46 PM

Silent pledge

I experienced listening with my eyes and talking with my hands.

We started our silent pledge in school before we traveled around Singapore. It was one of the most eye-opening days because literally, we walked in the shoes of the hearing impaired. My first 5 minutes challenge was not the ayam penyet- because I could point to the picture to order, but the lady who took the order and said to her colleague in a mother tongue “got mouth but cannot open to use”. I guess I would get her frustration as she might see it as a form of disrespect, and I didn’t even try explaining cause I had no clue on how I should start. I walked away. So I didn’t buy drinks because the words were so high and small I couldn’t possibly point accurately. That was my first 10 minutes of silence.

I can truly empathize from watching videos without sound, trying to lip read to the stares we received on public transports. It felt like we were a walking anomaly amongst the talking.

My brain and hands coordinated the most today and it wasn't a blue day like CLEOPATRA's (our group name) colour.

I loved it. I love that silence does not limit us from talking about anything under the sun. I love that signing with a group in public does not make me feel any discomfort. I love that I fell in love with this beautiful language.

ps; I missed my heartbeat performance :( as it was the exact timing as NCDCC 10 Years Day Parade.

yes, its tiring rushing in and out of camp sacrificing a little of both, but this is Suzana being happy. Shall write more in a new post.

Labels: be patient., camp, Everyone was so enthu, exercise, Inhale love Exhale hate., Life is a test, melting, Mission accomplished, My bag was effing huge., You think you do but you have no idea.

Sunday, February 15, 2015 @ 7:47 PM

I dream.

I dream to have a peaceful life surrounded with the people I love, seeking to discover, learn and venture the world. While we all need some kind of stability in our lives, I am waiting for the day money can take me to places around the world to explore both the complexity and simplicity of different cultures. Owning my own boat to pierce through clear seas of different shades of blue and use my arm strength to paddle in a humble kayak to safe and quiet islands. Currently, I am trapped in my country with commitments which disallows me to pull away from them easily. It is a choice I made for survival for a stable standard of living. I'll get through these years, and hopefully it will not be too long of a wait as Death is hiding and I will never know when I might stumble upon him.

I dream to meet people from all walks of life, and I mean those who grew up in a completely different environment and I wish to befriend them, to know their story, to try to experience something completely new. I had a big dream to make a difference to the world and then a teacher snapped halfway by saying "I meant ambition, like your career". I did not know exactly what job I could live with the rest of my life but isn't the meaning of ambition a strong desire to do something? It is achievable in the smallest ways even back here at home. My Cinderella feet is taking tiny steps.

I dream to enrich people's lives, to empower them to empower others. To spread the love around the globe, I have to handle the fact that love rays do not always bounce back. In fact, the rays might bounce to someone else, and that's all that it matters. :)

Labels: be patient., I still believe, Inhale love Exhale hate., Life is a test, motivation, You think you do but you have no idea.

Saturday, February 14, 2015 @ 11:52 PM

YEAR 1 ALMOST COMPLETE

Last exam tomorrow and then the fun begins!

Things to accomplish this school break:
Earn money
Attend abseiling L1 course
Learn to cook proper dishes
Adventure with ODAC mates
Climb like mad
Kayak
Adventure Training Camps at Ubin
Uniform duties

Other than jotting emotions and new experiences and converting it into words, I want to record the same memories through videos. And well.....

My Sony Xperia Z3 Compact has actually been with me for about 5 months now and I'm learning more about it. It's a smaller version than the original one which is convenient enough for me to fit into my back pockets. And the funny thing is that it never occurred to me to do any research because when my previous phone cracked, my dad accompanied and sponsored me to purchase a new one on the day itself heheheheeh. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who needs that sudden emergency therapy. To the point where my school project required video making and my group was working on mobile devices. That's when I knew so much more. Well, I only bought it because of the waterproof function but there was more that I had not discovered.

Labels: exercise, Life is a test, motivation, Outdoor love, study

Wednesday, November 26, 2014 @ 5:23 PM

BCR

It's Wednesday and usually I'd end at 6pm. But today, there's a drill whereby the campus is closed and we all have to study from home. The workload is a lot more and I know I am not independent in terms of listening to lecturer's voices without seeing them moving or me sitting in a hall full of other students. I go through 3 slides and I'm off focus. What more, I'm half-lying comfortably in bed.

But what makes me slightly disappointed in my day is that its a no-climb Wednesday when I have a day off from school. I want to reach and squeeze the water out of the manmade rocks and be so light that I call pull myself up with purely my arm strength. I want to explore Krabi to see what it offers but I too have to be prepared for it.

Well I also have another dilemma where I want to go to 2 school trips and the adventure's dates is a subset of the Bacares' dates. And I really cannot choose. They both have Intention to Treat and all I have to do is sign up. Why cant I split into two halves and enjoy both trips?

Labels: be patient., camp, Life is a test, motivation, no photos :(

Monday, June 23, 2014 @ 9:49 PM

Exultant

For me, my materialistic infatuation started from sneakers. As I learnt to save my allowances and actually spend it, I realise money is meant to be used and not just growing slowly in the bank. But ofcourse, you can love more than one right? Well love is too strong of a description. I had a strange attraction to socks soon after. Those colorful fully-decorate ones that are hidden inside. Usually small ones as i use them 5 times a week. Except for one extremely thick, black, knee-high one for me at least I had since sec one, and I use it every friday for yes, cca. My collection faded due to wear-and-tear and I just let it go.

Recently, I finally have a not-so-strange adoration; just like quite a portion of the female population- jewelry. It started just before prom. And it is growing and this is a warning, future husband. Topaz. It screams class, peace and frozen. hahahaha yes, one of my recent cartoon crush,

Is this temporary?

Wise words from disney lyrics:

"Conceal, dont feel, don’t let them know... LET IT GO LET IT GO”

The best part about work was that there was this tiniest girl, taking a role of elsa and singing that part over and over while swaying around with all her might. And perfectly, I forgot to bring my jacket that day. So when the part came, I sang to her “The cold never bothered me anyway”. Well other than the fact that I was having flu. Shoo!

Labels: I dont know whats blissful actually., Inhale love Exhale hate., It's not the first time i heard that question., Life is a test

Thursday, March 28, 2013 @ 10:53 PM

Random day of the week.

A pencil lead pierced through my thumb and its finally out after a week and a half!

Just some overdue photos. And if bus buddy’s viewing this, HELLLO TAK MENJADI CLT.

Thanks to the rule of not using handphones for other things than communication with each other in camp, I didn’t manage to provide an album of 3D2Ns. Also, the person who left during mid camp came back with Hersheys! Mehehehe.

Which activity is a must-organise?

FINAL EX. Only in my year did we add in this event. It is a search and rescue mission where a team of cadets (usually 4) crawl their way in. They are required to apply what they’ve learnt, all the rescue techniques. As it is supposedly in a confined space, they are to squeeze through and rescue mannequins and other cadets of different weight and sizes out. Even an arm is to be saved!

Ofcourse, with the help of CLTs was the activity accepted. I got to experience being a victim for collapsing-building rescue in the dark and I finally understand how they feel. And if you need tips for final expedition,

Prepare yourself mentally
Plan on who to enter first based on strength in what area
Check if it’s a boy/girl. Do not rescue a girl if you’re a boy
Make sure the top button is unbuttoned if you plan to do collar pull
Take exceptionally good care of her neck and head
While crawling over her, check what you step on.
Communicate with your team, don’t be a hero
Constantly check on her
Try your upmost best to endure throughout
But if you really can’t take it, please inform the in charge
Please, PULLING HAIR IS NOT A RESCUE METHOD THANKS

Goodluck!

Labels: camp, exercise, Fun, Heels hurt :'), Life is a test, ncdcc

Saturday, January 26, 2013 @ 7:55 PM

Life is a test

You know how when you get really pissed at someone and can’t control your emotions you say “I hope you die”. Please, take back your words because words came with a very strong feeling which turns into a wish or should I say a curse.

Recently 2 precious people just found out they were sick, as in really sick and it runs in the family. It’s so serious to a point that he has to go for (i can’t even say it). One of my friends just went for a small ‘fix’ and I finally understand why he has been missing sometimes. If I, just receiving the news already can’t handle it, how can they control the pain they feel? Plus keeping it from their friends!

Just 5 minutes ago I checked my twitter and got to know Ibrahim (this i can mention) lost his memory when he passed out halfway through a soccer match. GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH why do people over exert themselves. Maybe they didn’t know, but what I’d like my not-so-many readers to do is to take care of your health. Even if whatever sickness runs in the family, stay positive because life is a test. Test on how strong you are, and it’s all in the mind. Ibrahim, even if I’d only seen you for 10 days straight, Bambarayon will try our best to help you as much as we can. Doa is the best. Visiting two of them soon.

AND PLEASE TRY TO CONTROL YOUR SMOKING ADDICTION IF YOU DO.

"The ups and downs in life are also very important to keep us going because a straight line even in an ECG means we are not alive!"

Labels: All I could do was cry, Life is a test, You think you do but you have no idea.

Saturday, October 30, 2010 @ 9:37 PM

Everywhere.

Katy Perry's Firework finally came out two days ago!

Went out eat lunch with mum and just passed Benjamin and Katherine. Clashed onto Farhan. Bumped onto Hannah, once again.

Metro city with Daniel Ong and Maddy. I participated and my name came out in 91.3, twice. Not so huge of an arduous task, all I had to do was to guess a number ranging from 1-6 and roll the dice. If I guessed it perfectly, I'd win. The winner gets a goodie bag. Eventhough it was effortless, it takes psychic to be acumen enough. Tsk, the other person won. Together with that goodie bag, consisting of a girl bag and a shampoo, he gets Usher's Raymond versus Raymond. He's above 40 righhhhht- Im still a thirteen girl who craves for these things. Yet I had fun and got to high-five Danial ong! They gave out teenage dream, Camp Rock 2 album, Justin Bieber's, and a few more.

Music is incredible stuff. Power to increase or decrease heart rate, lower blood pressure, aid in learning and dialate a person's pupils. The emotional effects are even more incredible. There's actually a real science just for studying music- musicology. Seriously, why don't we have them?

☺☺☺Jason Mraz-Im Yours, David Archuleta- Something about love

Labels: Life is a test

Monday, October 23, 2017 @ 1:21 AM If I could pass a law, it would be.. If I had the power to pass a law to all land and seas, it would take up nothing from any budget given to me. The law enforced requires no more than 15 minutes a day. No fancy equipment, no modern technology, no serious advertising. It would be compulsory for every human, if abled and capable, to relax and reflect upon ourselves. This time of calmness has to be private with no distractions. Someone asked “If you could change the world, what would it be?” and in the context of the interview, there was no string to my actual answer. If we truly tried to reflect at the end of every breathing day, what miracle will that bring us. Maybe I saw a blind person waiting for a bus and in my head was deciding if I should help or not. By the time I decided, my bus came. Maybe I entered the lift with a neighbour and a silence of awkwardness lingers. Maybe if everyone reflected on the tiny parts of their day, (I have no answer as I haven’t seen this world). Maybe not yet. Labels: invisible reality, It's not the first time i heard that question., Life is a test back to top?
Sunday, September 4, 2016 @ 1:46 AM Attachment Today I revisited a weekly go-to place where we can vent, dance and sing for a few hours and enjoying a common sport at the same time. Do people actually attach themselves to places too? The walls have not tasted a new coat, the suffering aircon still leaks and shuts down once in a while, the bloody mattress still catches me even when it's weak and torn. The rocks felt equally sharp, I left with at least one contusion, we joked about being uncareful when belaying and our blasting phones were placed at the same mat as we danced our way up. We no longer text every single day to express our excitement for that week's Wednesday- that was the most exciting part. This was another short phase to show us that things happen for a reason, even if they aren't logical. We may try to make sense to it or give excuses for the people who aren't in our lives anymore or beat ourselves everyday to give ourselves closure. It's just that we took it for granted and looked at it as a joke when we said caring words and promises and WA so certain that the person that you fully trust your life with will always be watching you from the back, making sure that you're alright. Let's give ourselves a slap to wake us up from the Korean drama life and snap back to reality. People separate because we attract likeminded people, and the good thing is, we either grow together or outgrow another. But it's definite that at least one of us is advancing and that's enough. For that, I am thankful. I wouldn't say the perfect word would be "detach". I would feel it as a "no attachment". Labels: Awkward, Life is a test, My bag was effing huge. back to top?
Thursday, September 1, 2016 @ 3:12 AM Untouched I've started to feel comfortable enough to jot down my true emotions and admit to things I used to detach myself from. That's why there are lesser blogposts and more journal entries recently. However, when I checked my viewers, there were 4 clicks on my blog today. Hmmmm, who could it be? Was it a friend from 2010 who still remembers my link? Was it by a current Friend that I hang out with? Was it someone that I'm never close to but somehow knows of my link? This world has been amazing because my perception of it has broaden. Passing souls and mini giggles are the most important things to me right now. The change of importance of values has greatly impacted my decisions- and that's why my soul is satisfied. I may be studying in the same spot in school today and last year, and there would be a huge difference in the time spent. I now realise that it's not about the situation you're in nor the people around you, it's your attitude towards it that matters. Matters to who? You. Matters to me. Reflection is the easiest thing one can do at the end of the day of events. It has been effective for me and I hope more people do it too. there's a poster hanging on my bedroom wall "before you can change the world, you have to change yourself first". It's good. Labels: invisible reality, Life is a test back to top?
Thursday, March 3, 2016 @ 8:12 PM Strangely conceived notions This is reality. Are friends who instantly believe and engage in conjecture about you, really friends? Will they sit down and ask you about your feelings, update you about what's going around and hear your side of the window? If you walked in on two friends in a room with one of them lying on the bed, it isnt such a wild assumption that they were fooling around. But what is the next step, what actions do you take? What if you were the one who was taking a nap after days of overwork? There are first-hand friends out there who will respect you by finding out the truth, there are friends who will not talk to you because of the belief of you sinning from adultery and there are friends who will tell, what he or she believes, is only two people. The second hand group of listeners may have the story at an apple falling beside a banana, but remembered and encrypt it in their minds as an apple peeling a banana. Ofcourse, almost every human wants to believe themselves as a good soul, grounded by values like kindness for others. And that's the reason why homo sapiens are drunk by the idea of doing less of an evil means doing good. "I didn't spread nasty gossip about another, I'm protecting the gossipee from befriending a lying slut. Infact, It is just two people" This brings me to the third person rumour receiver. Because the scenario by then is already at the extreme extent, it is only obligatory to investigate the pre and post case because a delicate brain has not been completely utilized. We are an intellectual, meticulous, logical and analytical society that focuses on a major organ protected by our skulls that is widely forgotten is run by oxygen, that is delivered with the function of the heart. "oh my! He just broke up with his ex-girlfriend therefore he is obviously using her as a rebound!" We arrive at the last group that closes the rusty chain, the Promise Breaker. There will be that friend that believes that is an act of caring, has heard about everything and nudges you silently to give you all that she is carrying. Words from all directions are laid on the table. Without waiting for another side of the window, she flees as the words of others has become her truth and it is too much disgrace to continue pursuing a friendship. As long as it don't involve nor hurt me, why not? Labels: i need a hug., Life is a test back to top?
Wednesday, January 13, 2016 @ 11:45 AM Thank you, hands Speak with your hands, Listen with your eyes This is a poem that explains what goes on in my head when I saw a Hearing-Impaired struggling to communicate with a hearing man. There was only 30 minutes left to arrive at my homeland I had exceeded my curfew on a weekend As I headed to exit with a friend I saw someone who needed a helping hand It was his hand that made communication a can Thankfully, I fathomed his dancing band The person on the other hand, didn’t understand If I ran, I’d be damned My eyes stared as he signed In Sign Language, I am half blind “Fire extinguisher, school, closed, mind” What is this sign that is one of a kind? What if my vocabulary was too confined? What if I failed to get the words bind? What if I run out of time? But, what if all I needed is in my subconscious mind? What if I could start an easy conversation? What if I was meant to be at this location and situation? What if I could facilitate interpretation? But, what if instead of appreciation, he feels irritation? This debate in my head is causing a laceration My hands plead for communication My heart wants to remove discrimination I have to put embarrassment into elimination My hands took a tiny step, I signed “hi” He didn’t respond, oh why? Oops I forgot, he only listened with his eye Taking a deep breath, I did a second try The hairy man look down at me His hands move like a hardworking bee My twisted face shows that I don’t own a Sign Degree He smiled, slowed down, and said sorry I smiled, hands moved, and worries became lost debris By and by, our conversation progressed slowly Both of us were in too much glee As there is a merge between the Baltic and North Sea And that was how I met Leslie. Labels: language, Life is a test back to top?
Monday, December 14, 2015 @ 2:45 AM He looked into my eyes He schools with me, dines with me and explore places we are both too scared to go alone. But There are times where we had our private assembly without a brofist greeting; and that is when we both are clear that neither of us are in the mood. He grazes my right shoulder with his, pulling me out of my daze. I gave no gesture to acknowledge his late arrival while he didn't open salutation either. But we still walk front, through the glass door and found a canteen table to share. No conversation was initiated, no words were uttered. I glance at him engrossed in whatever was on his iPhone. I clicked on the whatsapp group chats with pop ups from weeks ago; there was no interest at all. He plucked each side of the earpiece from his ears slowly, resting his cochlea for once. It wasn't creepy to just watch him for minutes until he stared right straight into my eyes flipping through the pages of my secrets, staring at my list of fears and noted my mistakes. The noise of the crowd faded as my pupils concealed him from reaching my heart. Instead, I zoomed through his eyes and arrived in his uneven brain. It felt wrong, yet felt stronger that it was only fair that we both visited each others insides. In my attempt to unmask his secrets, fears and mistakes, I was defeated. My fear of exposition reflected in my eyeballs. Weakness of my eyes made it easy for him to guard what's behind those black universe. I snapped back to reality. I stood up to queue for food. The fear of conspiration, pistanthrophobia, reoccurring events were not familiar. It was very foreign because it wasn't mine. He had only looked through his own reflection while I locked myself from me. It's the fear of disappointing myself. I ordered bubur hitam and went on with my day, like I always do. Labels: Life is a test back to top?
Monday, August 17, 2015 @ 3:57 AM License It's finally here. I'm still alive on the year I turn to that age where I have bee n waiting for my entire teenage life. Not to go club, buy a cigarette nor to just taste adulthood, I am finally allowed to take up drivers license in 2015 YAY!!!!!! However, I am a Virgo so that means everyone else gets to go through it first and it drives me crazily excited to get my hands on the wheel. But the true suzana wants to be in control of a ship like how she was with a kayak and a jetski equally as much as the strong friction on the hard ground. On the flipside, I get to listen on my friend's positive and not so positive experiences which both comes with automatic tips and learning points. Ps; latest YouTube struggle: WONG FU WEEKENDS. It's the end of the week, a wong fu week, it's a wong fu weekenddddddd! Labels: A dude asked me "What will you do if aliens invade Earth?", be patient., Fun, It's not the first time i heard that question., Life is a test back to top?
Monday, June 1, 2015 @ 12:01 AM We only have one body The part where every excited soul is given only one body is driving me crazy. I separate these activities into different categories where I consider the following: Compulsory, Optional, Stress Relief, Education, Family, Friends, Self reward, Positive, Negative, Energy level. For example, ODAC vs Promotional ceremony vs Unit annual camp. ODAC is physical training and they needed helpers but Im not in the main committee so I'm not obliged to help all the time eventhough they are my friends; promotional ceremony is stress free as there is no preparation or much things to do and to reward myself for going to school and enduring; unit annual camp is annual hah and definitely stressful, education of juniors and friends. ODAC: compulsory, extremely high energy, stress relief. PC: compulsory, low energy, stress relief, self reward. UC: optional, extremely high energy, positive, education. = life is a hard decision and at times you have to make decisions, and I took up the CLT course so I have to do my "job" and commit to what I signed up for. Or you can run away by saying "I got no choice what", we all have choices. Labels: be patient., camp, Life is a test, Mission accomplished, ncdcc, Outdoor love, Stress, You think you do but you have no idea. back to top?
Friday, April 24, 2015 @ 11:46 PM Silent pledge I experienced listening with my eyes and talking with my hands. We started our silent pledge in school before we traveled around Singapore. It was one of the most eye-opening days because literally, we walked in the shoes of the hearing impaired. My first 5 minutes challenge was not the ayam penyet- because I could point to the picture to order, but the lady who took the order and said to her colleague in a mother tongue “got mouth but cannot open to use”. I guess I would get her frustration as she might see it as a form of disrespect, and I didn’t even try explaining cause I had no clue on how I should start. I walked away. So I didn’t buy drinks because the words were so high and small I couldn’t possibly point accurately. That was my first 10 minutes of silence. I can truly empathize from watching videos without sound, trying to lip read to the stares we received on public transports. It felt like we were a walking anomaly amongst the talking. My brain and hands coordinated the most today and it wasn't a blue day like CLEOPATRA's (our group name) colour. I loved it. I love that silence does not limit us from talking about anything under the sun. I love that signing with a group in public does not make me feel any discomfort. I love that I fell in love with this beautiful language. ps; I missed my heartbeat performance :( as it was the exact timing as NCDCC 10 Years Day Parade. yes, its tiring rushing in and out of camp sacrificing a little of both, but this is Suzana being happy. Shall write more in a new post. Labels: be patient., camp, Everyone was so enthu, exercise, Inhale love Exhale hate., Life is a test, melting, Mission accomplished, My bag was effing huge., You think you do but you have no idea. back to top?
Sunday, February 15, 2015 @ 7:47 PM I dream. I dream to have a peaceful life surrounded with the people I love, seeking to discover, learn and venture the world. While we all need some kind of stability in our lives, I am waiting for the day money can take me to places around the world to explore both the complexity and simplicity of different cultures. Owning my own boat to pierce through clear seas of different shades of blue and use my arm strength to paddle in a humble kayak to safe and quiet islands. Currently, I am trapped in my country with commitments which disallows me to pull away from them easily. It is a choice I made for survival for a stable standard of living. I'll get through these years, and hopefully it will not be too long of a wait as Death is hiding and I will never know when I might stumble upon him. I dream to meet people from all walks of life, and I mean those who grew up in a completely different environment and I wish to befriend them, to know their story, to try to experience something completely new. I had a big dream to make a difference to the world and then a teacher snapped halfway by saying "I meant ambition, like your career". I did not know exactly what job I could live with the rest of my life but isn't the meaning of ambition a strong desire to do something? It is achievable in the smallest ways even back here at home. My Cinderella feet is taking tiny steps. I dream to enrich people's lives, to empower them to empower others. To spread the love around the globe, I have to handle the fact that love rays do not always bounce back. In fact, the rays might bounce to someone else, and that's all that it matters. :) Labels: be patient., I still believe, Inhale love Exhale hate., Life is a test, motivation, You think you do but you have no idea. back to top?
Saturday, February 14, 2015 @ 11:52 PM YEAR 1 ALMOST COMPLETE Last exam tomorrow and then the fun begins! Things to accomplish this school break: Earn money Attend abseiling L1 course Learn to cook proper dishes Adventure with ODAC mates Climb like mad Kayak Adventure Training Camps at Ubin Uniform duties Other than jotting emotions and new experiences and converting it into words, I want to record the same memories through videos. And well..... My Sony Xperia Z3 Compact has actually been with me for about 5 months now and I'm learning more about it. It's a smaller version than the original one which is convenient enough for me to fit into my back pockets. And the funny thing is that it never occurred to me to do any research because when my previous phone cracked, my dad accompanied and sponsored me to purchase a new one on the day itself heheheheeh. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who needs that sudden emergency therapy. To the point where my school project required video making and my group was working on mobile devices. That's when I knew so much more. Well, I only bought it because of the waterproof function but there was more that I had not discovered. Labels: exercise, Life is a test, motivation, Outdoor love, study back to top?
Wednesday, November 26, 2014 @ 5:23 PM BCR It's Wednesday and usually I'd end at 6pm. But today, there's a drill whereby the campus is closed and we all have to study from home. The workload is a lot more and I know I am not independent in terms of listening to lecturer's voices without seeing them moving or me sitting in a hall full of other students. I go through 3 slides and I'm off focus. What more, I'm half-lying comfortably in bed. But what makes me slightly disappointed in my day is that its a no-climb Wednesday when I have a day off from school. I want to reach and squeeze the water out of the manmade rocks and be so light that I call pull myself up with purely my arm strength. I want to explore Krabi to see what it offers but I too have to be prepared for it. Well I also have another dilemma where I want to go to 2 school trips and the adventure's dates is a subset of the Bacares' dates. And I really cannot choose. They both have Intention to Treat and all I have to do is sign up. Why cant I split into two halves and enjoy both trips? Labels: be patient., camp, Life is a test, motivation, no photos :( back to top?
Monday, June 23, 2014 @ 9:49 PM Exultant For me, my materialistic infatuation started from sneakers. As I learnt to save my allowances and actually spend it, I realise money is meant to be used and not just growing slowly in the bank. But ofcourse, you can love more than one right? Well love is too strong of a description. I had a strange attraction to socks soon after. Those colorful fully-decorate ones that are hidden inside. Usually small ones as i use them 5 times a week. Except for one extremely thick, black, knee-high one for me at least I had since sec one, and I use it every friday for yes, cca. My collection faded due to wear-and-tear and I just let it go. Recently, I finally have a not-so-strange adoration; just like quite a portion of the female population- jewelry. It started just before prom. And it is growing and this is a warning, future husband. Topaz. It screams class, peace and frozen. hahahaha yes, one of my recent cartoon crush, Is this temporary? Wise words from disney lyrics: "Conceal, dont feel, don’t let them know... LET IT GO LET IT GO” The best part about work was that there was this tiniest girl, taking a role of elsa and singing that part over and over while swaying around with all her might. And perfectly, I forgot to bring my jacket that day. So when the part came, I sang to her “The cold never bothered me anyway”. Well other than the fact that I was having flu. Shoo! Labels: I dont know whats blissful actually., Inhale love Exhale hate., It's not the first time i heard that question., Life is a test back to top?
Thursday, March 28, 2013 @ 10:53 PM Random day of the week. A pencil lead pierced through my thumb and its finally out after a week and a half! Just some overdue photos. And if bus buddy’s viewing this, HELLLO TAK MENJADI CLT. Thanks to the rule of not using handphones for other things than communication with each other in camp, I didn’t manage to provide an album of 3D2Ns. Also, the person who left during mid camp came back with Hersheys! Mehehehe. Which activity is a must-organise? FINAL EX. Only in my year did we add in this event. It is a search and rescue mission where a team of cadets (usually 4) crawl their way in. They are required to apply what they’ve learnt, all the rescue techniques. As it is supposedly in a confined space, they are to squeeze through and rescue mannequins and other cadets of different weight and sizes out. Even an arm is to be saved! Ofcourse, with the help of CLTs was the activity accepted. I got to experience being a victim for collapsing-building rescue in the dark and I finally understand how they feel. And if you need tips for final expedition, Prepare yourself mentally Plan on who to enter first based on strength in what area Check if it’s a boy/girl. Do not rescue a girl if you’re a boy Make sure the top button is unbuttoned if you plan to do collar pull Take exceptionally good care of her neck and head While crawling over her, check what you step on. Communicate with your team, don’t be a hero Constantly check on her Try your upmost best to endure throughout But if you really can’t take it, please inform the in charge Please, PULLING HAIR IS NOT A RESCUE METHOD THANKS Goodluck! Labels: camp, exercise, Fun, Heels hurt :'), Life is a test, ncdcc back to top?
Saturday, January 26, 2013 @ 7:55 PM Life is a test You know how when you get really pissed at someone and can’t control your emotions you say “I hope you die”. Please, take back your words because words came with a very strong feeling which turns into a wish or should I say a curse. Recently 2 precious people just found out they were sick, as in really sick and it runs in the family. It’s so serious to a point that he has to go for (i can’t even say it). One of my friends just went for a small ‘fix’ and I finally understand why he has been missing sometimes. If I, just receiving the news already can’t handle it, how can they control the pain they feel? Plus keeping it from their friends! Just 5 minutes ago I checked my twitter and got to know Ibrahim (this i can mention) lost his memory when he passed out halfway through a soccer match. GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH why do people over exert themselves. Maybe they didn’t know, but what I’d like my not-so-many readers to do is to take care of your health. Even if whatever sickness runs in the family, stay positive because life is a test. Test on how strong you are, and it’s all in the mind. Ibrahim, even if I’d only seen you for 10 days straight, Bambarayon will try our best to help you as much as we can. Doa is the best. Visiting two of them soon. AND PLEASE TRY TO CONTROL YOUR SMOKING ADDICTION IF YOU DO. "The ups and downs in life are also very important to keep us going because a straight line even in an ECG means we are not alive!" Labels: All I could do was cry, Life is a test, You think you do but you have no idea. back to top?
Saturday, October 30, 2010 @ 9:37 PM Everywhere. ~ Katy Perry's Firework finally came out two days ago! Went out eat lunch with mum and just passed Benjamin and Katherine. Clashed onto Farhan. Bumped onto Hannah, once again. Metro city with Daniel Ong and Maddy. I participated and my name came out in 91.3, twice. Not so huge of an arduous task, all I had to do was to guess a number ranging from 1-6 and roll the dice. If I guessed it perfectly, I'd win. The winner gets a goodie bag. Eventhough it was effortless, it takes psychic to be acumen enough. Tsk, the other person won. Together with that goodie bag, consisting of a girl bag and a shampoo, he gets Usher's Raymond versus Raymond. He's above 40 righhhhht- Im still a thirteen girl who craves for these things. Yet I had fun and got to high-five Danial ong! They gave out teenage dream, Camp Rock 2 album, Justin Bieber's, and a few more. Music is incredible stuff. Power to increase or decrease heart rate, lower blood pressure, aid in learning and dialate a person's pupils. The emotional effects are even more incredible. There's actually a real science just for studying music- musicology. Seriously, why don't we have them? ☺☺☺Jason Mraz-Im Yours, David Archuleta- Something about love Labels: Life is a test back to top?